Up Chuck!

Chuck Norris, his wife, and Mike HuckabeeImage by ensign_beedrill via FlickrOh, Chuck Norris is such a card. Somewhere he got the idea that making B movies about karate or kung-fu or whatever that is he does actually makes him interesting and informed.

Since his movie and TV career tanked and he's now box office poison he's taken to selling cheap exercise equipment on infomercials and peddling ultra right wing drivel as featured sidekick of Mike Huckabee and whomever else is willing to pay for his buffet and hotel room probably.

Anyway, the Chuckster has chastised all us nasty gay folks for daring to be upset over Prop 8 and the other crazy right wing "Let's vote on everyone else's Civil Rights" boondoggles.

He wrote a column where he pretty much made up stories of gay atrocities out of whole cloth (or at least parroted the crazy ones spun by his friends) then launches into a scintillating political argument on how we should "bend to the will of the majority."

First, there's the obvious inability of the minority to accept the will of the majority. Californians have spoken twice, through the elections in 2000 and 2008. Nearly every county across the state (including Los Angeles County) voted to amend the state constitution in favor of traditional marriage.

Nevertheless, bitter activists simply cannot accept the outcome as being truly reflective of the general public. So they have placed the brainwashing blame upon the crusading and misleading zealotry of those religious villains: the Catholics, evangelical Protestants, and especially Mormons, who allegedly are robbing the rights of American citizens by merely executing their right to vote and standing upon their moral convictions and traditional views.

I don't know, I guess it's hard to read American history and particularly to understand Madison's view of that idea when you're getting punched in the head, but now that he has no life, maybe he could try. Hey Chuck, It's the The Federalist Papers and you can find it on Amazon.

In the interests of full disclosure, I have watched Mr. Norris' series, Walker: Texas Ranger. However, it was usually after a few drinks and only for the laughs as Norris attempted in vain to actually act. Unfortunately, he never made it and always sounded like a fifth grader in a Thanksgiving Pageant playing the role of the turkey.

But at least the next time one of my overly macho straight friends is running off about Chuck Norris and drops the "Chuck Norris isn't afraid of anyone!" line I can respond: "Au contraire! Mr. Norris shits his adult diapers over the thought of me and Michael in bed together!" Haaaiii Yaaa!

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