Giving Up...

There come times when you begin to wonder whether having a procedure like a transplant was really just a cruel joke. What I mean is, there are times recently when I truly feel that I was meant to die and that by cheating death with a transplant I've now gathered a great deal of bad karma or bad luck.

For months I've been trying to find a job because it's impossible to live on Social Security Disability. So far I've gotten two interviews for legitimate jobs and a number of "emails" for scam jobs.

Finally, I was up for a position with New Life Society which works to help improve awareness of organ donation and assist those awaiting transplant and after transplant. The job involved speaking to school groups about donation and presenting a PowerPoint presentation and taking questions. All things I've done before and are very good at doing.

I went last week for an interview and was told they would let me know something on Monday. Monday came and went with no phone call so I knew that this job had also gone to someone else but I kept hoping. Today I got a little card in the mail telling me I wasn't "chosen" for this project. Despite the fact I've been a corporate trainer, have years of experience working with school groups for living history, and superior computer skills including working with PowerPoint presentations. Still, they managed to find not one other person better qualified than me (supposedly) but 8. Yes, they found 8 people with more experience than corporate trainer, school presenter, computer support, content creation, and public speaking. Somehow, I don't think they really did. If they are anything like places back East the minute the catch on to the fact I am Gay they immediately rule me out for a program like this dealing with public schools. I have a feeling that was the root cause.

So, right now I have no idea what to do. I send out as many as 10 resumes and applications a day. We can't make it on what we have now and I'm really concerned that moving to Arizona was a major mistake. At least back East I knew people and could at least maybe get part time work with friends or something. Here, there's nothing. No one wants to hire someone who's been out of work for 3 years.

Today, a transplant feels like a cruel joke, especially when you aren't even good enough for a transplant program to hire you despite your qualifications. Fate - funny thing - save your life then make it miserable and completely destroy your self esteem and peace of mind.